I read a book recently that made me want my money back. The front cover promised a deep dive to help me see my true beauty. It’s a successful work by written by someone with millions of followers on social media. I was on board with much of the message about surrendering to God, living a life worthy of your calling, and recognizing your beauty as God’s creation.
But at the end of the book, the author assures us that we too can help women see their sexiness and even assist our daughters as they grow into their sexiness. I couldn’t disagree more.
Sexiness is not next to Godliness.
I’m not saying we should cover every inch of our skin, ladies. And I believe a healthy sex life is one of God’s greatest gifts to marriage. But I am saying that sexiness is not next to Godliness.
The definition of physical beauty is often equated with a high level of sexiness. This mismatch causes mistaken identities for women who fall into the world’s trap. We get stuck trying to please an insatiable culture.
- Instead of chasing a moving target, let us rest in who God made us to be.
Sexiness has zero to do with true beauty because our true beauty is found in how well we reflect God. Yet the way most women compliment each other in public is to comment on how they look. We are expected to meet or exceed standards of beauty more than we are encouraged to forgive our enemies, to show grace to those who hurt because they are hurting, to care for the widows and orphans. Being a “hot mama,” (whether you are a mom or not), is an expectation placed upon us, and even perpetuated by many of us, that I bet most of us would like to shed.
We don’t know exactly what Jesus looked like.
If sexiness was next to Godliness, then we should be able to find evidence of that in the Scriptures. Jesus would have been sexy, right? We don’t know exactly what Jesus looked like. All we know is he wasn’t physically attractive.
“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” Isaiah 53:2b
If no one was attracted to him because of his appearance, then why did thousands flock to him? They were attracted to His character, His holiness, His hope, and His healing. When we reflect His character like a mirror aimed up at the sun, filling our world with light and warmth and truth, we can truly serve those around us. And living a life of sacrificial love is beautiful.
- So let us shed our endless striving for the perfect body. Rather, let’s join together and look for someone in our lives to serve using our hands or feet, our hearts or minds, or our words and prayers.
All beauty is given by God and available to all, not just the pretty people.
We are all made in the image of God. Whether or not we believe in Him, trust His goodness, or receive the free gift of grace He offers us, God has made all things. And He doesn’t play favorites. A teenager in Pakistan cannot receive more of God’s beauty than an elderly gentleman in Japan because we are all made in His image.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows.” James 1:17
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
True beauty comes to us as a gift from above and is fulfilled in us by God. We cannot wish true beauty into existence. It is already here, the Spirit of God, waiting to be found and to become our foundation. The gift of true beauty is given to all, not just the physically beautiful.
- Let us look for the God-given beauty in our lives and highlight it, giving God all the glory.
‘Sexy’ is not a fruit of the Spirit.
As Christians living by the Spirit, things will grow from us we could never sow, grow, or harvest on our own. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23) are not our instinctual characteristics. We weren’t born holy, spending our lives hoping to revert back to infancy. All of us came into this world needy and we will leave it the same. Honestly, we need a Teacher to show us how to put others’ needs before ourselves: Jesus.
Not one verse in the Bible tells us that Jesus was sexy, that He wanted us to be sexy, or that He could teach us how to be sexy. Neither does the Bible command us to simply be beautiful, to be physically attractive, or to be objects of desire.
- What freedom could we gain from removing the lie that women’s value is tied to sexiness or beauty?
We send messages with our bodies.
You could argue that it’s your body and you’ll do what you want with it. Which is true–you can do whatever you want with it. But after walking through the wreckage of couples healing from infidelity, for example, I now understand that we are all in this together. More couples than we can imagine are affected by infidelity. Friends on your street. Coworkers down the hall. Your parents, your children. And they may never tell you.
If we believe in the institution of marriage and we want our friends to have all the happiness in the world, then we can put others’ needs before ourselves. I want people in my life to see and know that I will never flirt with their husband, with my spoken words or my body language.
- It may sound prudish to recommend covering up, but I truly believe it’s important to. No, not head to toe. Yes, I believe two piece bathing suits can be appropriate for swimming. Without condemning certain articles of clothing, may I just say: I don’t wear things to dinner or events if it leaves little to the imagination. I don’t want to go out of my way to draw attention to me and away from wives or girlfriends. I hope the message I’m writing with my body—how I care for it, dress it, and carry it—reads:
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10
True beauty is available to every single person on earth.
We cannot buy true beauty in a bottle. So our wealth, our health, our age, our size, and our income do not grant us a true beauty. What a relief to find the truth about beauty in the Scriptures:
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14
“For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and the sky. Through everything God has made, they can clearly see His invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.” Romans 1:20
True beauty–God’s image in us, His presence in the world, and His design in all– is available to every single person on earth, regardless of age, health, wealth, or language. It’s His love for us which pours beauty into us.
As Christians, how we see and use our bodies should stand out from the world. As our faith and trust in God’s forgiveness and grace sets us apart with radical love, so should how we inhabit our bodies.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
Let’s turn the term ‘hotness’ on its head and instead of being ‘Hot Mamas’–women striving for smoking hot bodies–let’s be women with spirits on fire for Christ. Let’s radically love one another for our character, not our curves.
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